Crawling
by AdamPascalFan
Summary: Lucky's addiction hits rock bottom. Can he crawl his way back out?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

The darkness outside was beginning to rival the darkness inside the apartment. Which suited Lucky just fine. He hadn't moved in hours other than to start a new beer or take more pills. The growing pile of bottles littered the floor by his feet. The occasional clink of the bottles hitting the floor or each other when he completed one was the only break the silence provided. He sat staring, unseeing into the nothingness, oblivious to it all.

He may have sat there two hours or it could have been two days. He had lost track of time. The curtains had been drawn since the start. The ringer of the phone had been turned off. The answering machine was on, but no one had called looking for him.

_Why would they?_ he thought bitterly. _Who would want to look for a failure like me?_

Unbidden he felt his eyes drift towards the photos seated on the table. Cruel reminders of the life he had almost had. The life, if he was honest to himself, he never really deserved. The life he had destroyed just by being him. Images in the photos mocked him. Taunted him with their happy smiles and joyful eyes.

He swung his arm and violently knocked every picture to the floor. The crashing of the glass frames echoed in the silence. It sounded good. It sounded right. Slowly, Lucky bent down and picked up the frame nearest to his feet. As if to continue the taunt, he felt the tears prick his eyes when he realized he had picked up his wedding picture.

He traced the lines of Elizabeth's face. She looked more beautiful than he had ever remembered seeing her. She was happy. He still couldn't quite believe that day had happened.

But the smiling image of his angel morphed into her face the last time he saw her. She had been holding their son. Cameron had been sleeping. She hadn't wanted him to be traumatized by this move. Tears had poured out of her eyes and she couldn't look at him. The last words she had said as walked out the door replayed in his mind.

"_I can't save you from this Lucky. I don't even know if I want to."_

He looked around at the disarray of the apartment. _Why would she want to_, the voice inside his head taunted him. _Why would she want to save all this when she can have more with Patrick or even…_

"No…" he whimpered out loud, in the vain hope of silencing the voice, knowing it was futile.

"_Even Jason_." The voice finished off with an evil hiss.

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up." He repeated, letting the frame fall to the floor as he put his hands over his ears to block the voice.

_You knew it was just a matter of time before she woke up and realized she deserved better than this. Better than you. A joke of a cop. Not even a very good one at that. Can't even tell when your bullet didn't hit a target._

He moved off the couch, not noticing or caring about the glass that cut his feet. He paced in the small alcove. He paused long enough to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

His eyes were bloodshot and dilated. His clothes were hanging off of his frame. He was starting to resemble the skinny kid that had to pretend to be cooler than everyone to avoid getting his ass kicked that he once was. The growth of his beard bore testament to his lack of interest in anything other than his next dose of pills or drink.

He reached for his stash of pills in his back pocket and swallowed a handful more. Lucky had long ago stopped counting how many pills he was taking each time. There was no one to hide them from anymore. No one to police his use. There was no reason anymore to hold off.

_What? Can't take the truth? She left your ass. It was inevitable. You were never good enough for her. You could never be what she needed. You failed her every time she needed you. You fail everyone._

"Stop it!"

_Face it. Every person in your life you've failed. You haven't done a single thing right ever. Your own father isn't even proud of you. How much of a joke are you that Luke Spencer doesn't even want to admit that you are his son?_

"Shut up."

_Dumbass_

"Shut up."

_Fuck up_

"Shut up"

_Asshole_

"Shut up"

_Failure_

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Lucky shouted as he pounded on the mirror with increasing furry. The sensation of the mirror breaking didn't register with him. He continued to pound on the wall, embedding the broken glass in his skin, the blood falling to the floor.

He rested his head on his hands, not caring as the blood covered his face. Sinking to the floor he idly played with some of the pieces on the floor, tracing them over the inside of his wrists, fascinated now that he finally noticed the blood.

Some part of him tried to tell him to clean up the mess. That Elizabeth would hate the blood on the floors she had worked so hard to clean. And it wasn't safe for Cameron to walk on.

_They aren't coming back. It doesn't matter if she would hate this mess or if it is unsafe for Cameron. Let it go._

Agreeing, he crawled over towards the nightstand where a still full bottle sat. His feet hurt because of the glass embedded in them. He took a swig of the lukewarm beverage.

_They aren't coming back._

Another swig. He reached for the pills.

_They aren't coming back._

Lucky swallowed the pills in his hand. Continued to pour them out of the bottle.

_They are never coming back._

More pills. More swigs of alcohol.

_Face it. You fucked it up yet again. You stupid fucking failure._

He finished the bottle of pills and the beer at the same time. He began picking the glass out of his arm, fascinated by the way blood start flow more now from the new openings. He pierced himself with the pieces in new places, simply watching the blood flow.

The room started to spin. This had never happened before. Maybe if he would lie down the sensation would stop. He lay down amid the broken glass.

His hand still clung to one of the larger pieces of glass. _It would be so easy to end it. Stop all this. Stop being a failure. Stop being the biggest disappointment ever born. _

He held the piece of glass in contemplation. The room was still spinning.

_Just do it. Do the right thing for once in your pathetic miserable life._

When would the room stop spinning? He felt the glass slip out of his hand and land in his opposite arm. The world started to fade away as his eyes rolled back in his head and his breathing began to slow to a halt.

Lucky didn't hear the door open softly. He didn't see Elizabeth peek her head in and call his name. And he certainly didn't hear her horrified scream when she spotted him.

**Lyrics by Linkin Park**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_How did I get here?_

_How the hell?_

It had been almost a half hour since they wheeled Lucky into the swinging double doors of trauma room two. A half hour since he had disappeared from her sight, with the EMTs shouting words that in a million years she would have never associated with Lucky.

"Overdose on hydrocodone."

"Possible alcohol poisoning."

"Possible suicide attempt."

She sat in the stiff chair, staring down at her blood stained hands. Stained with Lucky's blood as she had tried to stop the bleeding from his arms before the EMTs arrived. Several nurses had come over and offered the chance to wash up. Elizabeth had shaken her head at all of them and continued to stare at her hands.

How had this happened? Lucky had always been the strongest person she had ever known. How had he broken so far, so fast?

And how had she not noticed it?

As if she was in a trance, she rose from her seat and walked towards the swinging doors. She peered into the room through the glass. It still didn't feel real. Even watching the doctors trying to stop his bleeding and pumping his stomach, it still felt like a surreal dream. She shook her head in an effort to wake herself up.

_It's not a dream. It's not a nightmare. It's real. _She bit her lip to keep from crying. She ran her hands through her hair. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the blood again. Elizabeth crumbled down into a ball on the floor, shaking as tears started to rack her frame.

_Oh God Lucky. How did this happen? Why did you do this? Why didn't I see you were this close to the edge?_

"Elizabeth? Elizabeth?" Lulu's worried voice cut through her thoughts. Elizabeth looked up and slowly rose when she spotted the younger woman standing in the doorway with Nikolas. She wiped at her face to push away the tears. One thing she was sure of was that Lucky would not want Lulu to know how bad the situation really was.

"Oh God, Elizabeth." Lulu launched herself into Elizabeth's arms. "What happened? Epiphany just said that Lucky was brought to the emergency room."

Elizabeth tried to smile at Lulu and gather her thoughts. It was then she noticed Nikolas staring at her hands. She had forgotten about the blood. Lulu caught the stare her brother was doing and her eyes darted in that direction. Elizabeth tried to cover her hands but it was too late. Lulu had seen them. She grabbed one of Elizabeth's hands and examined it.

"Elizabeth?"

She looked back and forth between Nikolas and Lulu. How could she tell them this? How could she try to explain this situation that she couldn't understand herself?

"Elizabeth?" Lulu questioned her again, gripping her hand tighter.

Elizabeth closed her eyes. She couldn't do this and look at them. "I found Lucky in the apartment. He was passed out. They think he overdosed on his pills and alcohol."

"That doesn't explain the blood Liz." Nikolas pointed out in a measured voice. She recognized that tone. He was preparing himself for the worst. Lucky had always called it the Cassadine tone. _Oh God Lucky._

She bit her lip. "There was a bunch of glass, all over the floor, on his feet." She paused, not wanting to say the next part but realizing she had to. "In his arms."

Lulu's hands flew to her mouth and Nik dropped his gaze to the floor. She didn't have to explain further. Lulu started to shake and Elizabeth moved to help her to a chair, grateful for the small distraction.

Lulu rocked herself back and forth. She glanced up into Elizabeth's eyes. "He wouldn't…they don't think he… Elizabeth they don't think he tried to…" She couldn't finish the thought.

"I don't know" was all Elizabeth could manage to whisper.

Lulu moaned and Nikolas swooped down to hug her tight, his eyes bright with tears. Elizabeth read the guilt in his eyes, mirroring her own. She could see the exact same question she had been asking herself endlessly echoing in Nik's eyes.

_How did I not know it was this bad?_

She sank into the seat next to Lulu. Her ears barely registered Nik's soft whispering to comfort his little sister. Her eyes not seeing the nurse's desk in front of her. Her mind ran back to the last time she had seen Lucky, looking for any clues that this was just around the corner.

_She hadn't wanted to bring Cameron back here. She had hoped to simply pack their things and go. But Grams had an appointment and asking anyone else would require answering questions she did not want to discuss right now. It would be better to just leave and explain later. Later when her heart didn't feel like breaking in two._

_Elizabeth slowly opened the door to the apartment, not wanting to relive the scene from earlier in any way. Judging from the self-satisfied smirk on the whore's face, Elizabeth guessed whom the "neighbor" had been who called. Thankfully she didn't see any evidence of her presence. Just Lucky, sitting on the couch._

_He had looked up and made a move to speak to her. Not trusting herself not to scream at him in front of Cameron, she had angrily held up one finger and walked into Cameron's room. Deciding that she didn't want to talk him right now, she placed Cameron down on the floor with his toys and started packing his bag. Just enough for a few days, she decided. She could always ask Nik or Emily to come back for the rest. Right now she just wanted herself and her son out!_

_Jason had offered to send her and Cameron out of town, but she wasn't going to give that slut the satisfaction. Port Charles was her home and this was where she would stay. If that made either one of them uncomfortable then so be it._

_Her hands moved quickly without her noticing and they grabbed a picture at Cameron's bedside. She felt the anger that had been driving her leave in an instant, to be replaced with the unending sorrow she had been running from since the second she saw them at Kelly's. _

_It was of the three of them. Christmas morning in their apartment. Lulu had come over and started snapping pictures with the camera she had "borrowed" from Dillon. Lucky showing Cameron how to work his Speedwheel with her in the background, trying not to laugh. _

_It had only been nine months ago, but it felt like a lifetime. _

_She wiped the tears from her eyes. She was not going to be crying when she went out there. She would be damned if she showed him how much he had hurt her. Making sure Cameron was fine playing with his trucks, she opened the door to confront Lucky._

_He didn't have time to open his mouth before she spat "Where is your whore?" Apparently the anger wasn't gone after all. _

_He shrugged. " I sent her away after you left. Where were you last night?"_

_Part of her didn't want to answer him. It was no longer any of his business. But a more petty part of her wanted to hurt him, hurt him as badly as he hurt her. Before she could really stop herself, the words flowed out of her. "Cameron stayed with Gram. I was with Jason."_

_She noticed the way he titled his head as he replayed the words in his head. She was angry with herself for even momentarily thinking it was cute whenever he did that. That was something she would have to work on. No more finding his actions cute. She could almost tell to the second when he caught the meaning behind her words. _

_His shoulders slumped and he collapsed to the chair. He looked up at her with a defeated expression on his face. "So I was suspicious of the wrong guy the entire time. Should have guessed when you suddenly defended him every chance you got."_

"_Don't turn this around on me. Jason has been my friend for a long time."_

"_Yeah a friend you walked away from several times because his life is too dangerous. A friend that barely acknowledges you unless it's to help his latest girlfriend" Lucky stood up and moved closer to her. "What changed now? Why is all of the sudden he's the only person in the world who can understand you?"_

_Elizabeth sank to the couch. "Ever since you chose your pills over me and Cameron." She hadn't meant to say it. She had wanted to say something nasty, cruel and cutting to him. But once again her mouth had run ahead of her mind._

_He sat on the table opposite her and tried to grab her hands. "Don't touch me" she exclaimed backing away from him and off the couch. _

"_Elizabeth…"_

_She couldn't turn and look at him. If she looked at him, she would be lost. She would falter and actually think about forgiving him. But she couldn't. He was an addict. He was out of control. And her son was not going to live with that in his home. _

_She took a breath and squared her shoulders. "Lucky, I can't do this. I can't. You've hurt me in a way I didn't think was even possible. And I can't be with you now. I just can't. It hurts too much. I can't subject Cameron to this and I won't."_

_Elizabeth quickly walked into Cameron's room and found him fast asleep on the floor. Thankful he would be spared at least this scene; she scooped him up and balanced his bag with her free hand. She would come back for her things later, sometime when he wouldn't be here to remind her of the pain._

_Her eyes caught the photo again. Tears started to course unbidden down her checks. She had to leave. She couldn't stay a minute longer._

"Mrs. Spencer?"

The doctor's voice shook her from her memory. Lulu was still shaking but she had quieted her sobs. Nik sat next to her, his arm firmly around Lulu's shoulder.

The doctor knelt in front of her. She didn't recognize him; he must be new to the staff. The ER always had the highest turnover rate, she thought irrationally.

"Mrs. Spencer we were able to stabilize your husband. He lost a lot of blood but I think he'll be ok physically."

Elizabeth closed her eyes and said a brief prayer of thankfulness. She heard Lulu and Nik's relieved sighs. But the doctor's words came back to her.

"He'll be ok physically?"

The doctor shifted his weight on his foot. Idly she noticed his nametag. Dr. Joel Larson. "Mrs. Spencer, your husband had a large quantity of narcotics and alcohol in his system in addition to his injuries. In situations like this…"

"Situations like what?" she asked fearfully.

"Mrs. Spencer, to be perfectly honest we suspect this was a suicide attempt. In situations like this we like to keep the patient on a psych hold for 48 hours until a psychiatrist can evaluate them."

He had said it. Suicide attempt. The words were now out in the universe and connected to Lucky. She bit her lip to keep the tears at bay. Lulu ducked her head into Nik's shoulder as he looked towards the door. This could not be happening.

Dr. Larson placed his hand on her arm. "I know this is difficult but we must act in his best interest. Now you can go and sit with him if you like but we are keeping him until the psychology department clears him."

She ran her still bloodstained hands through her hair and rocked in her seat. All she wanted to do was crawl into a ball and weep. She wanted someone to wake her and tell her the past few weeks had been nothing more than a nightmare. That her husband wasn't really hooked on drugs and cheating on her. That he wasn't being admitted to the hospital on a suspected suicide attempt. That it was all ok, he was recovered from his surgery, back at work and happy with life. Happy with her.

_But it wasn't a dream _a voice softly reminded her. _You have to face this now. There is no avoiding this right now. You have to act now._

Slowly she nodded and sniffed back the tears. Nodding, she spoke softly. "Do what you have to do Dr. Larson."

**song credit –** _Halloween_, **Rent**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Hold on._

_Hold on to yourself._

_For this is going to hurt like hell._

She stood at the foot of Lucky's bed, trying to take in all the information she had just been given. Her mind reeled at the implications of everything that she had just discovered and everything her medical training and experience had taught her.

Her fingers traced the machines that were monitoring his heartbeat, his breathing, and his oxygen levels. All normal. All signs that he was healthy.

But he wasn't.

She pushed his hair back behind his ears, smiling at the memory of how hard he had tried to hide his ears when he was younger. Complaining that they stuck out in school pictures. Sometimes it was hard for her to believe that her nephew was no longer the smiling ten year old Ruby had introduced her to, but a grown man with a family of his own.

Sometimes, if she looked long enough, she could still see glimpses of that ten year old he had been. Mainly when he was with Cameron, she always saw it then. But every now and again, she would see it. The shy shuffle he used to do when he was embarrassed. The sideways glances to see if anyone was watching him. The impulsive decisions he'd make to help someone he loved.

But she hadn't seen that for months now, she realized. He had fooled even her. Her, the aunt he had always ran to when he couldn't deal with his parents. He knew what she had been looking for from him and went through the motions. And she had been so caught up in her life that she hadn't even noticed that it was just going through the motions.

Bobbie kissed Lucky's forehead gently and pushed back his hair. There was so much she owed her nephew. Without him being a support for Lucas, she doubted her son would have stuck around in town after Tony's death. And even if Carly had a selective memory at times when it came to who was a member of her family, Lucky had always tried to help her as best he could. She would help him fight these demons he had found. Whatever he needed, even if it was just to call all over God's green Earth to find her brother she would do it.

He was her family. And he wasn't going to go through this alone. Not anymore.

_What is it in me that refuses to believe_

_This isn't easier than the real thing?_

_My love, you know that you're my best friend_

_You know I'd do anything for you_

The hair should have tipped him off.

It was an irrational observation Nikolas realized but it didn't make it any less true. His brother's mental state had always been reflected in the way he chose to wear his hair. The angrier and more alienated he felt, the longer the hair became. Well longer and more pointed, Nikolas amended, remembering some his brother's more spiky creations.

When all was right with Lucky, he kept his hair short. When he was looking forward to something or starting a new phase in his life, he always cut his hair. Ever since Nikolas had known him, that had been Lucky's pattern. Sometimes his brother was worse than a girl when it came down to his hair.

But ever since the last hospital visit, the hair grew longer, shaggier. He should have stepped in the second he noticed the hair.

_You should have stepped in when you found him in the hospital room with a gun_, his conscious taunted him.

He had been hopeful it had been a one-time thing. A momentary lapse in judgment brought on by pain. Nikolas had prayed being released from the hospital and seeing how much Liz and Cameron loved him would do the trick. And when he had left their apartment that day, it seemed his prayers were answered.

Was he really so desperate to believe that everything was all right with his brother that he had turned a blind eye to what was really going on? That he bought the lame excuses about pain and feeling pressure to provide for his family? Was he so caught up in his own existence a new father that his brother's slide into hell completely escaped his notice?

Nikolas sat silently by his brother, taking comfort in watching his chest rise and fall. For now Lucky was ok.

For now.

_Oh God if you're out there won't you hear me_

_I know that we've never talked before_

_Oh God, the man I love is leaving_

"You know big brother, we have to stop meeting this way." Lulu joked as she sat down next to Lucky's bedside. She took his larger hand in her smaller one. "Seriously, can't you just call and ask me to lunch some time?"

It was a Spencer thing, she realized. To greet bad situations with lame jokes. They all did it. Present them with any major life-changing situation and the first thing to fly out of their mouth would be a joke. The worse the situation, the lamer the joke.

She bit her lip and tried not to cry. This was not about her right now. For once in her life she had to be strong for Lucky. She had to be there for him the way he had always been there for her. And if all she could manage was lame jokes, then fine. But he was not going to see her cry.

He had taught her to be stronger than that.

She squeezed his hand. "You know what I was thinking about today? Brendan Evans. Remember him? I was like 11 or 12 and he had asked me to go "steady" remember? And the next day he had dumped me for Misty Wrigley. And I was crying so hard. I was just convinced he was the love of my life and I was going to die alone."

Lulu sniffed and used her free hand to wipe away a tear. "And you, you came to see me that day and you told me that I would have plenty of time and would break plenty of hearts in my own right. And when I asked you how I was supposed to face them the next day at school when everyone knew I had been dumped, do you remember what you told me?"

She leaned down close to his ear. "You told me that I was a Spencer and that we faced things head on. We don't run and we don't hide. So that I should go to school the next day, stare them down and ignore them as best I could. And if Brendan said anything to me, you and Nik would come to school and "strongly" talk with him is the way I think you put it."

The memory made her smile. She remembered being equally horrified and grateful to him for even thinking about talking with Brendan. She wished for a time when her brother talking with the boy would most likely solve all her problems.

"Our problems are a lot bigger than Brendan Evans now aren't they?" she mused. Lulu glanced down at her abdomen, still in shock that she was in fact pregnant. But this wasn't the time right now. Right now she was supposed to focusing on her brother, no matter what was going on with her. Just like he had always done for her. She could do this. She could be strong for him.

Lulu kissed his hand. "Our problems may be bigger but we, big brother are still Spencers. And I still remember what you told me that day. And if you forgot, well too damn bad. I'll remind you."

_So now you're sleeping peaceful_

_I lie awake and pray that you'll be strong tomorrow_

_And we'll see another day_

_And we will praise it_

For once in her life, Elizabeth didn't know what to do. She had sat by Lucky's bedside so many times before. But never under these circumstances. And never when she was this confused about him.

Logically she realized it was the drugs that were responsible for his personality changes in the past few months. Logically she realized that Lucky would never do what he had been doing sober. He just wasn't that cold, that cruel, that outright mean.

But a larger part of her was still reeling from seeing him with Maxie not just once but twice. It cut deeper than the time she saw him with Sarah. At least then they had been broken up. It had hurt like hell but technically he was free to see whomever he pleased at that point. But he had stood there and vowed to love her and only her. And even though she knew it was the drugs that led to him breaking his vows, it didn't lessen the hurt any less.

He looked so peaceful sleeping and if she didn't look at the bandages on his arms, she could fool herself for seconds at a time. It was possible for her to drown out the noise of the machines monitoring his vitals. She was here enough, it was all background noise to her now at this point. As long as she didn't look at his bandages, she could almost imagine they were at home and she was watching him sleep.

But the second she saw those bandages, reality came crashing back. The reality that he was being kept as a possible suicide risk. That he was a drug addict, and an unfaithful drug addict at that.

With one hand, she held one of his. The other hand went to stroke his hair, his face. "How did we get to this point Lucky?" she whispered. "In a million years, did you ever imagine us here?"

"I don't know what to do Lucky. I'm still so angry with you. I can't look at you without seeing that, that, that scene play over and over in my mind." She used her one hand to wipe furiously at the tears that stole out of her eyes. "But I can't just walk away from you like this. I never could leave you when you really needed me. You know that."

She bit her lip and looked towards the door. "God Lucky. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We already had our drama quotient for our relationship remember? It was supposed to be nothing but good times and our family."

Family. Cameron. "What am I supposed to tell Cameron, Lucky? Eventually he will start to question the old stand by of "Daddy's sick and in the hospital". I think this maybe the last time I can use that reason why you aren't home. He'll want to come see you. He always does. And I don't know if I want him to see you right now."

"All I know is right now I'm still hurt. I'm still angry. I still don't know what to do about us. I know you need help. More help than I can give you, even if I had it in me right now to give, which I don't even know if I do."

She looked at her husband, sleeping, looking so innocent and peaceful. And her heart swelled with the love she knew was still buried under the hurt and anger. That was the worst part right now. He had hurt her so badly, and yet she still loved him.

"Remember after Jesse died you said you wished love was enough? Now I don't know if it is anymore."

_Hold on._

_Hold on to yourself_

_For this is going to hurt like hell_

**Song credit – _Hold On_, Sarah McLachlan**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_Walking out in the freezing rain_

_I feel nothing cause I numbed the pain_

_I'm lookin' forward to lookin' back_

_On this day_

Emily raced around the corner of the hospital. She had turned her phone off last night and had just gotten Elizabeth's message about Lucky. Nik's subsequent message terrified her with its implications. Guilt gnawed at her when she thought about Liz, Nik, and Lulu sitting here all night long. She felt equally ashamed that her first clue of something being wrong was Lulu not coming down for breakfast that morning. Lucky was her oldest friend, Liz and Nik were her best friends and Lulu lived in her house. She should have realized something was wrong way before this morning.

She spotted Liz sitting on the small couch at the end of the hallway. Her friend looked dazed, defeated, confused, and heartbroken all wrapped up in one small package. Emily couldn't see her eyes, but she was willing to bet there were tears in them. She slowed her approach down and carefully reached for her friend. The last thing she wanted to do was frighten her.

"Liz?" She kept her voice barely above a whisper.

Elizabeth glanced up, startled out of her thoughts even by the softness in Emily's voice. Lucky had slept through the night, which was good. But he hadn't spoken a word or even looked at her since he woke up.

She supposed it could have been anger at saving his life. Lainey had told her he might be angry with her at first. However, if she was to be honest with herself, she had thought maybe the situation had been an accident. He hadn't meant to do any of it. At some point during the night she had convinced herself that he would wake up and everything would be on the road to being fine again. But his silence seemed a damning admission that her husband had in fact wanted to die.

Emily felt her own eyes tear up when she finally saw Liz's eyes. She dropped to the couch and drew Elizabeth into her arms. "Oh honey. I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner. How are you holding up?"

Elizabeth sniffed into Emily's shoulder. "Ask me in about a month will you?" She raised her head and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Have you been here all alone? Where's Nik and Lulu?"

"Nik took her down to the cafeteria to eat. We took turns sitting with him through the night. Leslie is in with him now but you can go in after if you want." Elizabeth took a shaky breath and tried to calm herself.

Emily grasped her friend's hands. "Right now I'm concerned about you. What do you need me to do? Do you need me to help find Luke? Get Cameron? Call anyone?"

Elizabeth managed a small smile. "No. Bobbie tried to call Luke but she couldn't get a hold of him. So Lulu asked Robert Scorpio to find him." She said in a quivering voice. "Grams has Cameron and I don't think him being here would be good right now. Lucas is going to go over and watch him so Grams can come here."

"What about food? You want me to get something from the cafeteria for you? Run to Kelly's? You name it, I'll get it for you."

"No. Nik is bringing me something up. Thanks though."

Emily ran her hands through her hair. "This is just so unbelievable. Has he said anything?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "Not to me. I'm hoping he'll say something to Leslie."

Emily tried to offer a smile. It was a fake one. They both knew it, but Elizabeth appreciated the effort. "Well I'm sure he'll talk to her. He has never been able to duck Leslie for very long."

A distinctly masculine cough sounded near them. The two friends looked up to see Ric Lansing and Cruz Rodriquez standing near by. Elizabeth shot Emily a completely confused look. Her ex-husband and Lucky's partner? She could guess why Cruz had come but Ric? And why were they together?

She rose to meet them. "How's he doing?" Cruz asked when she neared them with Emily close by her side.

"He's awake. The doctors think he'll recover fine physically." She responded. "How did you know? I didn't call you."

Cruz and Ric exchanged looks. Now she was even more confused. They were exchanging looks about her questions? "Cruz. How did you know?" she repeated the question.

Ric stepped closer to her. "Elizabeth. It's all over the news. The town hero being brought into the ER for an OD and speculation of suicide attempt? The press is eating it up."

Her hand flew to her mouth. The press knew. Was the whole town talking about Lucky as a drug addict and possibly suicidal? _Oh God_, she thought, _this is Lucky's worst nightmare._

"But how…"

Cruz shrugged his shoulders. "Someone from the hospital gossiping? A reporter listening to ambulance calls on a police scanner? I'm not sure. But they know." He paused and looked at Ric again. "That's not the worst of it."

Not the worst of it? Her mind reeled at the implication. What could be worse? She felt Emily step closer to her and put her hands on Elizabeth's shoulders, steadying her for what was sure to be a body blow.

"You know about Jason and Manny?" Ric questioned. Liz nodded and realized she would have to explain that to Emily later. "Well Alexis is furious. The press is already questioning how long he was on drugs and was it possible for him to have been effective enough to shoot Manny. Which shoots her plan to keep Jason away from Sam to hell."

"She's determined to pin the hospital drug thefts to Lucky, Elizabeth." Seeing her pale and sway, Cruz hurried to add to the statement. "No one in the department believes that he did it. Lucky's helped a lot of guys and a lot of them owe him favors. They don't want this to be pinned on him."

"Well there's that at least." Elizabeth bit her lip. "How bad is the press? How determined is Alexis?"

Cruz motioned towards the main lobby of the floor. "They are swarming by the nurse's desk. They would have been back here by now but Dr. Scorpio, Dr. Drake, Dr. Winters and Nurse Johnson are keeping them back."

Emily squeezed Elizabeth's shoulders. "I'll go help them and call my father. He'll threaten them with his cane. He likes that."

"Thanks honey." Elizabeth squeezed her friend's hand.

"Don't worry about the press bugging you. Lots of the guys owe Lucky's favors and are more than happy to run them off for you, escort you home, and help Cameron get here. Whatever you want, they will do. You just have to call me." Cruz promised.

She hugged him, grateful for his loyalty to Lucky. Lucky would need all the friends he could get soon. "Thank you."

"And Alexis is way beyond determined at this point. My wife is going to look like a fool if the press digs deep enough and she does not like that." Ric pushed aside his bitterness about Alexis. This was not about her entirely. Yes helping Lucky was going to piss her off royally, but he felt he owed Lucky his help. His family used him for no other reason than he was convenient. He didn't claim to know Lucky well, but he knew him enough to know he didn't deserve to be treated like that. "Which brings me to why Cruz and I came together."

Seeing Elizabeth's questioning gaze, he continued. "Cruz and I will start looking into the hospital thefts unofficially. If there is any evidence that it wasn't Lucky who stole the drugs we want to find it and offer it up first. I'm afraid that right now Alexis may have any evidence that clears Lucky buried."

"Do you have anything that can give us a place to start?" Cruz asked. "I know this is the worst time in the world to ask you this but the sooner we start the better it will be for Lucky."

"No. It's fine. I understand." She moved back towards the couch. "I think I put the last pill bottle I found on him in my locker. You can have it. Emily knows the combination. She can get it for you."

"Great. That will work. Thank you Elizabeth." Cruz went off to see Emily. Ric paused before following him.

"Will you be ok here by yourself?"

"Elizabeth?" Leslie's voice rang out to the two of them.

Gesturing to Leslie she smiled a little. "I'll be fine go. And thanks."

Ric nodded and left to follow Cruz. Elizabeth rose and faced Leslie. The older woman tried not to look worried but it didn't fool Elizabeth one bit. Leslie was worried. Very worried.

"What is it? What did he say?"

"Well he looks fine. The psychiatrist is in with him now." Leslie patted her arms. "He looks real good Elizabeth."

"Leslie. What did he say?" She kept her voice measured.

Leslie looked down at the ground and then at her granddaughter-in-law. "Nothing Elizabeth. He didn't say a word to me. No matter what I talked about. He wouldn't speak to me or look at me." She paused and glanced upwards. "I'm afraid…" she couldn't finish the thought.

"You're afraid of what Leslie?" Elizabeth fought to keep the tears back but it was a loosing battle. She never thought he wouldn't talk to his grandmother. And by the look in Leslie's eyes she had an idea of what she was afraid of.

"I'm afraid that what happened to Laura is…" The emotion overtook her and she was unable to finish her thought.

"What happened to Laura is happening to him." Elizabeth finished slowly as she enveloped Leslie into a hug, letting her tears hit the older woman's shoulder.

**Song credit – _Lookin Forward_, Over the Rhine**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_ I can't whitewash my excuses_

_I can't cover up the stain_

_I can't give back what I've taken_

_I should be the one to bear the pain_

"Good day Mr. Spencer." The on-call psychologist sat in the chair his grandmother just vacated. "I'm Dr. Shanks."

His face remained passive as he waited for the introduction to be continued. Lucky continued to focus on the poster print just over the man's shoulder. In all the time he had spent in this hospital, he had never really noticed the art before. All the other times he had been looking forward to seeing someone else. Now all he had to look forward to was pity visits from his family, obligation visits from Elizabeth and this "Are you currently suicidal?" visit.

"Well Mr. Spencer." Apparently he had given up waiting on an answer. Probably had somewhere more important to be, someone that wasn't a complete waste of time. Not that Lucky could really blame him. "Can you tell me why you are here today?"

_Because I'm a failure? Isn't it obvious? I even managed to screw up dying! How big of a loser are you when you can't even die right?_

He focused more on the picture. It wasn't bad, but it really wasn't good either. He supposed it was chosen to be soothing and calming. It was pathetically average.

"Mr. Spencer."

Man Lucky hated when he was called that. He always expected to find his father standing behind him whenever he heard it. Not that Luke had ever really responded well to being called to Mr. Spencer. But Mr. Spencer conjured up all sorts of images of a person who was an adult, who had his act together, who took care of his family and did depend on anyone for help.

By no measure of the name was that he. He was a pathetic loser who couldn't even complete the simplest tasks. He disappointed everyone, every time. There was no point in denying it any more. No point in running from the truth. He was a failure. The sooner everyone else realized it and left him alone, the better off they would be.

Lucky was vaguely aware that Dr. Whatever was still talking to him. Talking at him was probably more accurate. But Lucky paid him no more attention than a gnat flying around the room. If he just kept quiet, eventually this doctor would leave. Everyone would leave and realize that they were better off without him. This guy, Lucky guessed, would most likely tell him he was wrong. That people did care and he wasn't a failure.

Which was complete and utter shit. He was a failure. He hurt everyone. Anyone that cared about him would end up hurt one way or another. It was inevitable. Like any true Spencer he was born purely to self-destruct and the less people around the better.

"Did you intend to die the other night Mr. Spencer?"

Now there was an actual interesting question. Did he intend to die? Had he woken up in the morning thinking he would kill himself that day? Did he intend to die? Did he have a plan? A method? A foolproof, no fail action? No, that he did not have. So the surface honest answer would be no. He had not intended to die last night. He was getting very good at recognizing the surface honest answer.

_But would I have minded if I had died? That's an entirely different question isn't it?_

The truth was he didn't care. He didn't know anymore if he believed in a heaven or hell but at this point he didn't care. He felt tired. Tired of being a failure. Tired of screwing up every good thing that ever came into his life. Tired of being nothing more than the disappointment in his family's life. Tired of not living up to the image of Lucky Spencer that everyone else seemed to have of him. Last night he had spied a way to end the hurting, his own and everyone else's. A solution. That was all it was. A solution.

Was it the best solution he could come up with? Maybe not, but it was the only solution. The only sure way to end all the hurting and allow him to rest. Any other options would just hurt too much. And he would probably fail at them anyway.

He failed at getting clean. He failed at his marriage. He failed with his sister. He failed his parents. He failed at his job. The record was pretty consistent. He was a failure.

The doctor's talking continued. Lucky focused on the picture on the other side of the room. One of those dumb inspirational posters. This one said something about belief. As if belief ever changed anything.

All belief ever got him was heartbreak and more pain. He believed he could save someone and every time he couldn't. He believed, for a minute anyway, that he and Elizabeth could be happy together. He could believe all he wanted. Reality always had a way of crashing the party.

Reality was that he had destroyed his marriage. Reality was that his wife and son deserved better than he could ever hope to give them. Reality was that he had used someone he had thought of as family. Reality was that he was nothing more than a financial burden on Nik. Reality was that Emily had no use for him. Reality was that Lulu was ashamed to have him as an older brother. Reality was that his own father hated everything he had done with his adult life. Reality was his own mother didn't even recognize him and hadn't for years.

Reality was nobody would want his life. Not even him.

"Mr. Spencer do you realize that you may have to stay here longer if you do not answer my questions? You may not be able to return home."

_Home? Where was that anyway?_ Lucky had always had been able to come up with many answers for that deceptively simple question over the years. Where his parents were. Where Elizabeth was. Where he slept at night.

But he didn't have a home. Not anymore. He had destroyed every home he had ever had. So this doctor telling him he couldn't go home held no weight with him. He didn't have any place to go anyway.

Dr. Whoever touched his hand. Lucky steeled himself against looking at the man. He concentrated on the blank television screen. On the reflection he could see there.

"Mr. Spencer don't you want to go home? Do you want to get better?" The good doctor had lowered his voice. In the reflection Lucky saw the man lean in closer to him.

Lucky moved his head in the opposite direction, becoming fascinated by the machines that were monitoring his vital signs.

There was no point in answering the doctor's question. He didn't have a home to go to. And there was no way for him to get better.

_Once a failure. Always a failure._

**Song credit – _She Gets What I Deserve_ by SheDaisy**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.  
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking _

Of all the things I should've said,  
That I never said.  
All the things we should've done,  
That we never did.  
All the things I should've given,  
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go,  
Make it go away.

It was strange the way certain places and memories tied together. No matter the distance from the original event, returning to a particular place, or even a type of place could always recall the first emotion one felt there. McPherson cookies could always make her think of her grandmother. The Christmas party always brought back her grandfather. Cigars would forever be associated with Luke.

And then there were chapels.

As the quietness of the hospital chapel settled over her, Elizabeth realized she always came to a chapel when she was worried about Lucky. Some how, no matter how far apart they were, she always felt closest to him in a chapel.

She sat in the back, staring straight ahead to the small podium and altar. Vaguely she was aware of the other people sharing the space with her. But in her mind, she was back at Mt. Hebron on Valentine's Day. Just the two of them and all the hopes, dreams and faith in the world that they would survive anything this world would throw at them.

Sniffling, she wondered if her 15 year-old self would have ever imagined all that she and Lucky would both go through before even part of those dreams would ever come true. Would she still be so sure of them? Still be so confident? Still be so in love she couldn't see straight?

In the darkest corner of her mind would she have ever thought she would be asked to commit her Lucky to a mental institution?

Dr. Shanks had tried to be kind, but was there any kind way to say the words "best placement is an institution for intensive therapy"? Elizabeth had to admit he had been very nice about it, but the ugliness of the reality of his words was difficult to ignore. He could describe it in as nice of terms as possible, but Elizabeth had been inside of Shadybrook to visit Laura many times. She knew better.

They may talk of intensive therapy to bring Lucky back to health. But they had promised the same thing for Laura. After a few unsuccessful tries, the staff quit trying to reach Laura and focused on keeping her happy and calm. So if staring at the wall and sitting in her chair for hours on end kept her calm, then the staff really didn't have a problem with it.

The idea of Lucky staring out the window, much like his mother continued to do, frightened her to no end. That was not the life Lucky had ever planned for himself. She knew that. But unfortunately she had no idea of what he would want. In all their discussions of what to do if he was seriously injured on the job, what to do if he ever started to act like Laura had never even been thought of.

She buried her head in her hands and rocked her body back and forth, in an effort to disguise her shaking. The tears she had kept back since Lulu had entered the ER couldn't be contained any more. Her eyes released them in a flood that she couldn't dam no matter how badly she may want to.

Elizabeth bit her lip in order to at least keep the sobs from erupting from her body. Silently she screamed. Screamed at God for letting this happen. Screamed at Lucky for putting her in this position. Screamed at Lucky for ever getting addicted to drugs in the first place.

Screamed at herself for not seeing the signs that she could now were obvious and all around her. Screamed at herself for burring herself in the problems of other people to hide from the reality of her husband's addiction. Screamed at herself for whatever role she had played in the path that led Lucky to choose this as an option.

Every hateful, spiteful word came back to haunt her. Some part of her tried to say she had been justified in what she had said. That wanting to hurt him as badly as he had hurt her was a normal reaction. But she couldn't be rational right now and she really didn't want to be fair.

A part of her wished she could run away from this. Not have to make this choice. Somewhere, she wanted to just give this problem to Nik and Lulu and wash her hands of the whole thing. She had left him. She was going to file for divorce. She should not be the final say in this matter.

But she hadn't divorced him yet. She hadn't even filed the papers yet. And even if they were separated, she still had his power of attorney. Elizabeth bitterly smiled as she remembered even if they had divorced she probably still would have had power of attorney, thanks to Alexis. After his coma recovery, Lucky had asked her to have his power of attorney to prevent his dad from ever making that decision for him again. And Alexis, in her legal glory, had suggested that there be a condition that Elizabeth was re-given the power of attorney should Lucky marry and then separate from his wife. Never realizing that was in their future, they had agreed to the condition. So even if she had divorced him already, she would still have to make this choice. Lucky probably had forgotten about the condition and wouldn't have changed that yet.

She rolled her hands into fists, her fingernails cutting the insides of her palms as she continued to cry. The pain was a momentary distraction but she kept coming back to what she was running from.

She was the only one who could make this decision.

Sure she could ask Nik and Lulu but they wouldn't be any better to decide what to do. Elizabeth knew Lulu feared ending up like Laura and she would guess Nik, somewhere deep inside where he would never admit it to anyone, feared the same thing. And Luke was still nowhere to be found. She didn't doubt he would come running once Robert Scorpio finally tracked him down, but she couldn't wait on Luke to make this decision. Ms. Sneed had been itching for a chance to exact revenge for the last time she tried to discharge Lucky and failed. This would be her perfect opportunity. Elizabeth could hear her voice now. "We are not a psychiatric hospital here at General Hospital. I don't care who his brother is or your friends are Nurse Spencer."

No this burden was hers and hers alone.

She drew in a deep breath to calm herself. It worked marginally and she drew in another. Time for momentary breakdowns were over. She had to face this and act in Lucky's best interest.

"Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth turned to see Lainey's sympathetic face. "Are the reporters gone?"

Lainey slid into the pew next to her. "Most of the more aggressive ones. Alan Quartermaine came rushing towards them, waving his cane and threatening to sue them. Then Noah Drake and Bobbie came charging around the corner. I think I even spotted Robin's mom getting into the act. When she and Epiphany started throwing trash at them, the smarter ones beat it fast. I think they are probably hiding in the parking garage but between security and the amount of PCPD officers standing around at every door? I don't think they will get anywhere near you."

She offered up a silent prayer of thanks for her friends and for Cruz's obvious phone call for help. "Well that's good news at least."

"I may have some more." Lainey hurried to explain when she saw Elizabeth's face raise in hope. "He still hasn't said anything but I may have a solution for you other than Shadybrook."

Elizabeth closed her eyes as the brief hope died in her chest. She nodded to indicate Lainey should continue. She could use any solution at this point.

"I had to look at Lucky's file when Dr. Shanks finished making his recommendation. And I noticed he has previously seen Dr. Collins a couple times."

"Yeah, when he couldn't help Lulu when she was a baby and then when he came back from his kidnapping."

"I know Dr. Collins professionally and he's just started working at Roselawn with a special clinic for patients with sudden onset of psychiatric symptoms. I took the liberty of calling him and he's willing to put Lucky into his clinic and work with him."

Lainey squeezed Elizabeth's hand. "Dr. Collins promised me he wouldn't just do surface work with Lucky. He's convinced he can help Lucky and help him get better."

Elizabeth closed her eyes as she felt the stirrings of relief. This was a solution she could live with and that no one else in the family could really argue with. Lucky had worked with Kevin Collins in the past and worked well. Lucky liked and trusted Kevin. This could be the answer to her prayers.

"If Kevin Collins said he will work with Lucky, then that's what he's going to do."

**Lyrics – _This Woman's Work_, Kate Bush**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_Let me tell you who you really are_

_You're my comfort_

_You're not a superstar_

"Come on. You can do this."

Lulu had been standing outside the apartment door for what seemed like forever. If she had to guess it probably had really only been a few minutes. Tomorrow, they were moving Lucky to Roselawn. The worst of his withdrawal symptoms were over and the doctors had decided he was safe to move. And not a minute to soon, Lulu thought as she remembered the sneering Ms. Sneed who appeared to take great delight in hovering around her brother's room.

So Lulu had volunteered to get a bag together for Lucky. Mainly to get out of the hospital and feel useful for a change. Ever since she had gotten the call about Lucky's trip to the ER, Lulu felt trapped on a roller coaster ride from hell. She paused and amended her thought. Ever since she found she was pregnant she felt trapped. The roller coaster hadn't started until Lucky went to the hospital.

"You're a Spencer. This is nothing. Quit being a wimp!"

She had volunteered, to do something to help her brother and now she was frozen. No one had been back here since the day Lucky had been wheeled out. When Elizabeth wasn't staying at the hospital, she was staying at her grandmother's with Cameron. Nik had to go home to little Spencer. And ever since he came to town, Dad was taking the night shift with Lucky.

"Just turn the key. Just turn the key."

It wasn't going to get better standing outside, imaging what lay behind the door. There was no way the reality could possibly be worse than the picture in her head.

But turning the key and walking inside was going to make it real. And to this exact second she hadn't realized she was still hoping this was a dream brought on by too much junk food and late movie watching with Dillon.

Now, the second she actually turned the key and walked through the door, it would be real. And as her knees began to shake, she realized she desperately wished someone was here to help her. Someone to make this go away and be better.

She felt tears prick her eyes as she realized exactly who she wanted.

She wanted Lucky.

"Lu?"

Lulu turned suddenly, startled by the voice, and relaxed when she saw Lucas standing behind her. He offered her a sad smile and held out his hand to her.

"Want some help?"

Grateful for his presence, she nodded and handed him the key. Lucas turned the key and she followed him in.

"Mom mentioned you were going to get Lucky's bag so I thought I would swing by and see if you wanted a ride back."

Lulu sniffed. "Liar. Aunt Bobbie sent you to check on me."

"Yeah. But let her pretend she's being sneaky."

The cousins fell silent as they surveyed the room. The complete disarray of the room stood in sharp contrast to the last time Lulu had been there. The glass still lay in pieces by the couch. The pictures still lay facedown in the broken frames. She tried not to look but she found the bloodstain easily enough.

As if in a trance she walked over to the now dried pool. She couldn't pull her eyes away as badly as she wanted to. It was a siren's call to her senses. Absent-mindedly she traced the edges as she knelt down on the floor.

"You know what my favorite Christmas present ever was?" she asked after a few minutes of silence.

Lucas knelt down beside her. "I thought it was your real diamond last year" he said nudging her shoulder.

She smiled softly. "That's up there but no. Do you remember my pink bicycle?"

"Oh man." Lucas chuckled softly. "You were so excited to get that thing you practically begged your dad and brothers to let you ride it that day, outside, the snow be damned. And I am still convinced you almost had your dad ready to agree to it if Lucky and Nik hadn't argued with him about it."

"Yeah I was so mad at them about that for weeks." She looked away from the wall and towards Cameron's small room. "You know I remember wanting that bike so badly. I remember dreaming about that bike. I cut out all these pictures of it from ads and magazines. I think I even prayed about it."

"But what I remember the most is the day I first saw it in the store. I had gone with Lucky a few days after Thanksgiving and spotted it right away. And it was just magical, looking at that bike. I knew that bike was supposed to be mine and that it would be some day."

"And then it was Christmas and there it was, with a card that said from Dad. And I was so excited that I was right, that the bike was mine, that I missed one very important thing."

Lulu turned and looked at her cousin. "Lucas I never told my dad how badly I wanted that bike. The only person in the world who knew was Lucky. Grandma had a little bit of an idea but the only person who knew that I thought Christmas would be ruined if I didn't get that bike was Lucky."

"It took me a few months to remember that. And a few more years to realize all the other presents that had come from Dad that there was no way he could have known about. The presents that showed up from him when he had disappeared and not even called on my birthday. And when I was about 12 I finally figured it out."

"Lucky had sent me those presents. I'm sure some had Nik's help, but Lucky was behind most of them."

"Lucas he gave me all these presents, even when he really couldn't afford it and I never told him thank you."

"Lu, I'm sure he never expected you to. Hell I bet he still thinks you haven't figured the whole present thing out yet." Lucas put his arm around her shoulders and gently pulled her towards him as he rubbed up and down her arm.

"After all of this, all I can think of is that I need to tell him. I need to tell him thank you. I need to say it to him and I need to know he heard it."

"You still can Lulu. He's just moving to Roselawn. You can still go see him. Dr. Collins said the more visitors he had, the better it would be for his recovery."

"I know what he said. And I know I'm going to be there every chance I get. But I just keep thinking about…"

"Your mom?"

She nodded into his shoulder. "I just don't know how I would handle it if he didn't get better Lucas. I miss my mom so bad it hurts and if Lucky's doesn't get better…" Lulu let her voice trail off. "I just don't know what I would do Lucas."

He kissed the top of her head. "You're not going to have to find out ok? If there is one thing I know about my cousin Lucky, it's that he would never want to let you down ok? You just keep talking to him and keep reminding him of everything he has to come back to. You, Nik, Emily, Elizabeth, Cameron…" he paused and looked down on her. "Your baby."

Lulu jerked her head up. "How do you know about…"

"Lulu you're a Spencer and you had a positive pregnancy test run at the clinic staffed by GH nurses doing volunteer work. You're lucky your Aunt Amy hasn't been around or else it would be a lot further on the gossip chain than it is. Lucky for you, and no pun intended here, Lucky's situation has relegated you to the backburner. Mom's been able to keep it at bay."

Noticing Lulu biting her lip, Lucas continued. "The point is, Lucky has a lot of reasons to fight this thing and I think your job is to help remind him of it."

Lulu wiped at her eyes. "I think you're right Lucas. And that is exactly what I plan to do."

**song credit - _In This Life_, Chantel Kreviazuk**


	8. Chapter 8

**Crawling – Chapter 7**

_How do you feel?_

_That is the question_

_But I forget you don't expect an easy answer_

Dr. Kevin Collins shut the door to his office after showing his last patient of the day out. He sighed as he turned back to his desk and sank behind it. Resting his the back of his neck against his hands, the corner of his eye spied the file he had been looking at off and on since he came into his Roselawn office this morning.

The file had tormented and taunted at him throughout his sessions. Teased him by its riddles and enigmas. Time after time, he found himself being drawn back to the file even when his attention should have been focused squarely on the patients in front of him at the time.

Kevin considered himself a competent therapist. Some of his patients would even say he was a good therapist. Lucy would undoubtedly argue he was the best in the world. But Kevin had to admit he had never encountered a case quite like this one before. Or a patient so unwilling to help in his own recovery.

Because as confused as Kevin Collins was about this case, he knew one thing deep in his bones: Lucky Spencer was no more catatonic than he was.

Lucky still hadn't said a word to anyone since he came to Roselawn three months ago. He hadn't so much as looked at a single person in the eye or given anyone any indication that he was even aware of their presence in his room when they visited. Kevin had witnessed Nikolas, Emily, Luke, Bobbie, Lucas, Mike, Lulu, Audrey, Leslie and Elizabeth repeatedly try to reach him with no success to be seen. Hell half the town had paraded through the doors to see him and Kevin had yet to see any reaction that would sustain his hunch, but Kevin couldn't shake it.

Lucky wasn't catatonic.

As he opened Lucky's file, Kevin had to admit it wasn't as if his client didn't have the chips stacked against him psychologically speaking. Catatonic states had occurred in patients with less psychological trauma than Lucky had experienced before he turned 18. And when you added in his mother's current state, it wasn't a far off guess for a genetic predisposition to the condition.

But the more he learned about Lucky's past from his family and friends, the more Kevin became convinced that Lucky was severely depressed and had been for years. He chose not to dwell on his own personal feelings of failure in not noticing that fact before now. Right now was about focusing on finding the best course of action for his patient and not his own ego repair work, he reminded himself.

To call the sessions he had with Lucky so far of any therapeutic value would have been a gross understatement. At times Lucky appeared to be more fascinated by the Jell-o left on his lunch tray than anything Kevin had to say. Kevin had yet to strike on any topic of conversation that would lead to anything resembling a reaction.

But every now and then, after a session was completed, Kevin had this feeling over take him. He couldn't describe it exactly but the mood somehow had shifted. He couldn't be positive but he swore at times when he turned around, he had caught Lucky staring at him before Lucky quickly turned away and resumed staring at whatever held his attention for that second.

The moments were few and far between, but they were all he had at the moment. As Kevin re-read his notes and added new observations, he realized that however small and far between the moments may be, they gave him some degree of hope.

And hope was what Lucky needed right now.

_You don't need to bother_

_I don't need to be_

_I keep slipping farther But once I let go_

_I won't let it go til it bleeds_

Finally, he was alone. The nurses, the doctors, the therapists, the family members who just couldn't take the hint had all long gone home. Back to their lives. Back to the place where they were better off without him.

Lucky shifted on the bed and looked out the window. He had been sure that if he had just stayed quiet, the obligation visits would stop. Surely by now they would have all realized their lives were better without him in it to mess up completely. No more worrying about what pill he was going to get his hand on. If he had his gun and it was loaded. Nothing like that. Just the blessed peace that would come of a life without him in it.

Eventually they would learn.

It was taking them longer than he had originally thought it would. He could almost hear Kevin's voice in his head saying that proved everyone loved him. Lucky snorted at the idea. Obligation and love were not the same thing.

Lucky shifted again and his eyes fell on the chair in the corner. He could see Kevin Collins just sitting there, staring at him as Kevin had done for days. At first Lucky figured Kevin would just get tired of getting no answers to his innumerable questions and give up like all the shrinks at General Hospital had. He should have known better.

He had known Kevin was stubborn. Hell the man married Lucy Coe. That alone spoke volumes about his willingness to put up with ridiculous stunts and behaviors. So it shouldn't have shocked him that just ignoring Kevin hadn't worked. It shouldn't have surprised him but it did.

Somewhere during the last three months, Kevin had quit asking him questions. But he hadn't stopped coming. Or talking. No Kevin had merely stopped trying to talk to him and talked at him.

Kevin had started having conversation and just behaved as if Lucky was an active participant. He would pause and ask for Lucky's opinion. He even would nod and agree with opinions Lucky had never given.

Lucky wasn't entirely sure if Kevin was seriously waiting for him to join in or laugh at him. Most days he leaned more towards laughter. But if Kevin didn't think he saw through his ruse, then Kevin underestimated him.

Kevin was trying to trick him into talking. Trick him into working on himself and getting better. Fat flying chance of that one. He was not going to set himself up for failure yet again. No way no how.

It was better here. No one to hurt here. No way to further screw up his already joke of a life.

So Kevin could try all he wanted. He could send in all the weeping relatives he could find. It wasn't going to happen.

Lucky Spencer was not going to disappoint everyone yet again. No, he corrected himself. He wasn't going to disappoint everyone EVER again.

song credits- _Through Glass_ and _Bother_, both by Stone Sour


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_I don't go to therapy to find out if I'm a freak_

_I go and I find the one and only answer every week_

"So Elizabeth, is there anything new you want to tell me about?"

Elizabeth looked into Gail Baldwin's kind eyes and felt herself smile. In all the years she had been coming to see Gail, the older woman had always opened each session the exact same way.

"Unfortunately no. Everything is still exactly the same."

She sighed and leaned back against the familiar couch. Everything was exactly the same. Lucky was still at Roselawn and was still unresponsive. At first she hoped it really was what Lainey had warned her about; him being angry with her for saving his life. But as the silence extended from her to everyone in his family, her fear started to grow more and more.

Lucky wasn't even responding to Lulu, something Elizabeth thought she would never see. For a half a second she thought she saw something when Lulu tearfully told him about her pregnancy and the miscarriage that made any decision she was making a moot point. She thought she had seen him move towards his crying sister, but as quickly as the moment came, it passed. And she had convinced herself she had imagined the entire thing.

"Still no luck in finding his drug source?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "He's a Spencer. I don't know why we thought it would be easy." She almost laughed when she spoke.

Ric and Cruz had run down every possible lead they could find. Every pill bottle Elizabeth could found she had given right to them, hoping one would lead to the real drug thief. However it appeared in addition to having a never-ending supply of drugs, Lucky had also found a never-ending supply of old prescription bottles. Every bottle had been traced to an original owner and there had been no further refills in that person's name. Total dead ends.

Ric and Cruz were still determined to find the source. True to Ric's prediction, Alexis was putting pressure on for the PCPD to tie Lucky to the rash of drug thefts from the hospital in anyway. And equally true was Cruz's belief that the other officers would do whatever they could to help Lucky out. So far nothing had been found to tie him, but the officers didn't exactly make the case their top priority either.

She ran her hand over her forehead. "Right now, I'm just trying to concentrate on my children."

Elizabeth ran her hand over her gently swelling stomach. Much like her pregnancy with Cameron had been, this child has caught her by surprise. To say the timing was not what she would have planned was an understatement. But this child was here and much like Cameron, she had to deal with him or her.

At least she could stop worrying about the paternity test results. Kelly had run the test three times to make one hundred percent certain of the results. Elizabeth had lived in Port Charles far too long to trust just one running of those tests. But all the tests had the exact same result.

Lucky was the father.

"Speaking of your children, have you told Lucky yet about the baby?"

Elizabeth shook her head. She hadn't wanted to say anything until the test results were in. "I'm not sure what I would say. I imagined this moment for so long and this is the furthest away from any scenario I ever pictured." She looked down at the floor. "Sometimes I think of not telling him at all. Just because I can't handle the idea of telling him and him not saying anything to me." She glanced at Gail. "That makes me the worst person in the world doesn't it?"

Gail shook her head. "No. Just a human person. How about Cameron? How is he doing with all this?"

"He still doesn't understand where his daddy is. He asks about Lucky constantly. I just don't know what to tell him and I really don't want him to go see him."

She wouldn't be able to handle it if she took Cameron to see Lucky and there was no response. Her son would be heartbroken and confused. And she would be unable to help him understand it when she was the exact same way.

Three months ago, she had hoped she would have some handle on how she felt about this entire situation. But her emotions still shifted with a rapidness that astounded her. Of course her raging hormones were playing at least some part in all of it, but still most days she was still as confused as the day she entered into the apartment and found Lucky lying there.

Sometimes when she saw him, all she could feel was anger at him. Anger for becoming addicted to drugs and anger at his betrayal with Maxie. And then she would feel sorrow for how far he had broken. Her own feeling of guilt for not noticing and anger with herself knotted up inside her as well.

The one emotion that didn't confuse her was the love she still felt for him. He had taken her heart so long ago, that loving him was as natural as breathing to her. It was only when she tried to deny loving him that her feelings became unrecognizable to her. Even when no one would really blame her for not loving him, it was only when she accepted that she loved him did anything even remotely start to make sense.

Not that knowing that caused the situation to make any sense to her.

But maybe that was part of the reason she had come back to Gail. She had started seeing her again when Kevin and Lainey both suggested she talk to someone about she was dealing with Lucky's hospitalization. Elizabeth almost snorted at the word "hospitalization". The word made it sound like Lucky was at General Hospital again, recovering from any number of injuries that one occurred by just being a Spencer. "Hospitalization" made it feel almost normal, when it was anything but.

Perhaps it was time to stop just discussing the facts of the case with Gail and really deal with her feelings. Maybe if she didn't feel so out of control when she was near Lucky, she could actually help him. It was a novel concept. Actually use her therapy session for the actual purpose.

Of course Gail was well aware of the way her mind worked. How many times did she just sit and talk about nothing when she first saw Gail after the rape? How many conversations about how every Spencer was doing with Lucky's disappearance and return before she said anything about her own emotions? Elizabeth almost laughed when she realized just how closely tied her relationship with Lucky was tied to therapy sessions and Gail Baldwin.

And to think, some of their friends called them the "normal couple". Of course Lucky had always referred to those friends as their "not knowing us very well" friends.

Lucky. Her thoughts always returned to Lucky. As they had always done ever since the moment she saw him outside of Kelly's ten years ago.

Elizabeth raised her eyes to meet Gail's kind ones. Maybe it was time to stop running from her thoughts and emotions and actually deal with them.

"Actually Gail, I think there is something I want to talk with you about."

Gail smiled. Elizabeth was coming around to actually stating why she was coming to see her quicker and quicker each time. It was a mark of improvement in her book.

"Well Elizabeth, my time is yours."

**Song Credit - _What Do You Hear in Theese Sounds?_ - Dar Williams**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend_

_We could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in_

_And if you do not want to see me again_

_I would understand_

Cruz Rodriguez settled back into his car and rubbed his temples. Another lead and another dead end. This was becoming an all too familiar pattern.

He had heard about addicts that were experts at covering their trail. He heard about them but didn't think they actually existed. Most of the junkies he had collared in his career had been ridiculously obvious about who was giving them their fix and where exactly they were getting it. They had patterns, routines, and schedules. For people who were ruled by mind-altering chemicals, Cruz had always found them somewhat predictable.

But now it seems his partner, his friend Lucky was going to prove the exception that created the urban myth. It didn't seem to matter what lead he, Ric or Elizabeth could dig up, there was never anywhere to go after it.

So far he couldn't find any prescriptions under Lucky's name other than the one Patrick Drake stopped months ago. The pill bottles didn't lead anywhere. No further prescriptions were taken out in those names either. And thankfully none of the drug dealers busted in the past few months had taken to bragging about supplying the "hero cop". Cruz wasn't so sure he could handle telling Elizabeth that news.

He had been hopeful in the beginning that if the media fell off the case, Alexis Davis would back off her mission to nail Lucky for the drug thefts at the hospital. No such luck. The media had backed off but not before seriously questioning her and Mac's competence in their jobs. If the squad room had been tense before, now it was what Cruz imagined walking through a minefield would feel like. One wrong statement on any given day, and the room was liable to explode.

True to their words, he and Ric had been able to keep their investigation a secret. He had been truly impressed the otherwise formidable PCPD gossip chain had missed his recent comings and goings with the former DA. Cruz still didn't fully trust Ric, he was still too closely connected to Sonny Corrinthos for his taste, but he had to admit, Ric was a great lawyer and the fact that he was on Lucky's side was a good thing.

In fact, this latest plan had been Ric's idea. Figuring Lucky wouldn't have used his regular pharmacy to fill any illegal prescriptions, Ric had suggested looking at pharmacies further away from where he lived and closer to where he worked. When the ones near to the station hadn't panned out, Cruz had expanded his search to pharmacies in the areas he and Lucky had worked in the past few months. Cruz had reasoned Lucky would need to trade on good will to get any questionable prescriptions filled, and Lucky had been treated like a walking talking action hero after the Manny story broke.

So far, he hadn't found anything. But Cruz wasn't giving up. Lucky had left something somewhere. And he was going to find it.

_Roselawn_

Kevin walked the halls, absorbed in his notes. He hadn't even noticed the direction he walking, but he wasn't all that surprised when he noticed he was nearing Lucky's room. Whenever he had a free moment, he often found himself wandering down this hallway.

He smiled at the young nurse that paused at Lucky's door and pulled the observation chart down. As a precaution, Kevin had kept Lucky on a constant supervision schedule. He didn't think his patient was actively suicidal but with his patient unwilling to verbally or non-verbally consent to a safety plan, Kevin had no choice.

Kevin felt his brows furrow in concern when the nurse put the chart back as soon as she pulled it down. He quickened his pace and restrained himself from grabbing her arm. Instead he settled for tapping her repeatedly on her shoulder. "Excuse me. But that patient is on suicide watch. And yet you didn't visually observed the patient." His voice barely concealed his fury.

She looked around nervously. "But Dr. Collins, Dr. Drake is in there with him right now."

Dr. Drake? Kevin felt his rage give way to confusion. What on earth was Noah Drake doing visiting Lucky? "Dr. Drake is in there?"

"Yes. He comes every Saturday with Dr. Scorpio. He says he needs to check on Lucky's progress from his surgery."

He comes with Dr. Scorpio? That would mean Patrick Drake, not Noah. And checking on Lucky's progress from surgery? That was over months ago and Patrick had been the doctor who cleared him for duty. This didn't make any sense.

"Dr. Collins?" The nurse's timid voice interrupted his continued puzzlement.

Kevin shook his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize Dr. Drake was present. I apologize for my tone." He offered a smile as he dismissed her and she scurried off to her next patient. He returned to Lucky's door and pulled the observation sheet himself. Sure enough, Patrick Drake's name was written in for the next three hours as the observer.

Why was Patrick Drake visiting Lucky? Kevin hadn't thought they were even friends considering the accounts he had heard from Elizabeth, Emily and Nikolas. Maybe they had bonded after his surgery? But that didn't made less sense. That was when Lucky constantly accused Elizabeth of cheating with Patrick.

So the question remained why was Patrick Drake there?

He wondered if it would be worth it to just walk into Lucky's room and see for himself what was going on. But if Patrick Drake had taken to lying to other staff about his reasons for seeing Lucky, Kevin doubted he would get a straight answer.

No there was one person who may be able to help him get the answers he was looking for.

Kevin headed off for the floor he knew Robin Scorpio was running trials for a new medication. He hoped he could catch her between her patients. Luck was with him as he spotted her just coming out of a room.

"Robin."

She turned and pushed her hair behind her ear. "Kevin. How are you?" she smiled as he approached her.

"I'm fine. Robin, why would Patrick Drake be checking on Lucky Spencer?"

Robin furrowed her brow in confusion and looked down the hallway, as if searching for the answer on the wall. "Lucky? Patrick tells me every week he's going to see a patient. Lucky's not a patient of his." She looked up at Kevin. "Why would he visit Lucky? They aren't exactly friends."

"That was what I was hoping you could help me with."

_Inside Lucky's room_

The credits began and Patrick turned to ask Lucky the exact same question he asked every time. "Which ending gag do you think this one is?"

Patrick had been steadily working his way through his collection of _Animaniacs_ on DVD in these visits with Lucky. When they got through all ten of the available discs, he planned on continuing with _Pinky and The Brain. _Patrick couldn't convince Robin to watch them with him and Patrick had this strange feeling that if Lucky were feeling normal, he probably would appreciate the adult humor and gags throughout the kid's show.

If Lucky were feeling normal. Not that Patrick had any clue what a normal feeling Lucky would like or even if they would like each other. Personally since they had met, he hadn't really cared for the other man and at times downright disliked him intently. He had found him alternatingly infuriating, petty, overbearing, jealous and insecure.

Then why the hell was he spending yet another Saturday afternoon watching DVDs with the guy who probably would slug him if he were responsive? And if Patrick were honest with himself, Lucky probably would have reason to slug him as well.

Maybe that was part of it. They had recognized parts of themselves in each other. A certain refusal to back down from a challenge. A stubbornness seemingly only two women could ever match. A need to protect the women who held their hearts, even though the women could probably take better care of themselves without their help at times.

A certain streak of pride that would damn them both. A certain refusal to ask for help and deny anything was wrong.

Of course Patrick hadn't known any of this when he first met Lucky. He had just clearly read the "back off" glare where Elizabeth was concerned. He had dismissed him entirely and then when Lucky had began tossing his wrong conclusions around, he couldn't help himself and be an ass when he responded to them.

Maybe he came to understand the Lucky he had never met. The one that Robin obviously loved like a little brother, judging by the amount of time she spent at Roselawn these days. The drug she was researching didn't even really fall into her normal area of interest but it allowed her to spend more time visiting Lucky and he had seen her jump at the opportunity.

He had seen Robin break down after Nik had called her from the hospital that first night. She had cried and later, after she thought he had fallen asleep, he had heard he ask Stone to help Lucky get through the night.

"Be with him Stone. Keep him safe. Just like you always did. He'll listen to you. Convince him to fight," she had whispered into the darkness.

Patrick had helped with the press that first full day at the hospital out of loyalty to Robin and Elizabeth. But he was amazed at the amount of people who came flying to the nurse's station to assist them for Lucky's sake. He had never seen Alan Quartermaine move so fast in his entire time at General Hospital.

And maybe, way down deep where he didn't like to look too often, maybe Patrick felt a smidge guilty about being the doctor who prescribed him the damn drug in the first place. No he didn't cause Lucky to abuse the damn thing, but he could have done something different. Noticed a sign. Paid closer attention to how often Lucky was pushing that stupid white button. Something that could have prevented all this.

Of course if his experience with his father's addiction had taught him anything it was that an addict in need of a fix wasn't going to let anyone stop him. But it still didn't keep Patrick from feeling he could have saved his father, no matter what Ala-non told him otherwise. And he would bet even money that Elizabeth was feeling the same way.

Or maybe he just wanted to hang out with someone who wouldn't say he was a complete loser for loving a children's cartoon show.

He shrugged it off as he enjoyed Yakko, Wakko and Dot do "Lather. Rinse. Repeat." Whatever the reason was, he was finding he enjoyed these visits with Lucky. And they were becoming a welcome break from the rest of his life.

As the DVD returned to the main menu, he stood up and stretched. "I don't know about you man, but I think we may need to start a petition to bring this show back. It is the shit!"

Out of the corner of his eye, for the smallest of nano-seconds, Patrick thought he saw a smile cross Lucky's face. But that couldn't be. He shrugged it off. Momentary optimism. He was spending too much time around Robin.

"So ready for disc 5? It's got the writer's round table discussion. Should rock!"

**song credit- _Jumper _by Third Eye Blind**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_You said that-  
You'd take it  
As long as I could_

_I could not erase it_

"Hey baby. How are you doing today?" As always she kept her voice soft. If she spoke any louder, she knew her voice would eventually crack and the tears she kept trying hold back every visit would spill over.

Elizabeth busied herself with straightening out imaginary creases on the sheet. Her hands were her distraction when the silence was too much. If her hands were busy, then she could always look at them.

She bit her lip and looked up. Lucky was looking in what would could be construed as her direction, but he wasn't looking anywhere near her. She had always been able to tell when he was looking at her directly, even when they were apart. She could always feel his eyes watching her. It was a comforting feeling, like a hug from Grams. No he was looking near her now, not at her.

"Oh I almost forgot, Cam sent you something." She leaned over to remove the present from her purse and for the briefest of seconds, she thought she felt him look at her like he used to. But it was only for a second and by the time she straightened herself up, the moment was gone. If he had looked at her, he was looking elsewhere now.

Leaning over the bed, she tried her best to hold the picture in his eye line. "He made it at preschool. They had to draw a picture of their hero. He picked you." She paused to swallow the sob that had threatened to come out at that point. Striving for a light tone, she stood up to place the picture on the wall, "He may have picked you as his hero, but he got this artistic skill all from me so don't go getting a swelled head here."

She sat back down on the lone comfortable chair in Roselawn. Once Kevin had found out about her pregnancy, he had all but demanded the chair be moved permanently into Lucky's room. She had been touched by his thoughtfulness. Rubbing her stomach absent-mindedly she continued to speak to her still silent husband. "He still wants a puppy instead of a baby brother or sister but I'm 99 percent sure he'll adjust once this kid gets here."

Glancing in Lucky's direction, she held back the sigh that threatened to escape. Still no reaction. Kevin had explained to her his theory on Lucky possibly self-inducing his catatonic state and his belief that anything could get him to break his wall. They had both been hopeful word of this pregnancy would have done the trick, but so far it hadn't.

She could have sworn when she told him about the pregnancy she had felt him trying to reach her. Thought for just a second that he had squeezed her hand back as she said the words they had both waited years to hear. Elizabeth bit her lip harder to keep the tears back.

It was entirely possible Kevin was mistaken after all. It was just as likely the rest of the Roselawn staff's opinion that Lucky had in fact developed the same condition his mother had was the correct one. And Kevin's had led to more dashed hopes than she really cared to remember or count.

But at least Kevin's theory offered her a slight sliver of hope that Lucky would come back. And while she still wasn't all that sure where exactly she wanted their relationship to go after this, she did want him back. She needed to have him in her life in some capacity. He had been there for so long the idea of going on without him there to talk her out of her frenzied moods, push her hair back behind her ear or just to listen to her as she made the same complaints day in and day out about her life frightened her.

Elizabeth literally did not know how she would manage not having Lucky in her life in any sort of capacity.

So she continued to come and talk to him. Talk at him. She wasn't even sure anymore. All she knew was he was her touchstone and she needed to have contact with him, even if he apparently didn't want the contact.

_Kevin Collins's office_

"Gail I just don't see any other way around this. I think this may be the only way to know for sure if he's really catatonic."

Gail sighed and walked towards the window overlooking the gardens. She held her hands behind her back. "Kevin, I agree your theory has merit. It may even be a completely accurate assessment of the situation. But there must be some other way to prove this."

Kevin shook his head. He had been going over this for days now. He could come up with no other possible solution. The longer they allowed Lucky to hide behind this wall he had built, the less chance they had of bringing Lucky back. Kevin was beginning to worry time was running out.

"The closest we have come is with Patrick Drake. And even he only reports the small cracks everyone has reported. Maybe with more frequency." He rested his hands on his forehead as he leaned back in his chair. "Hell Gail, its like he's convinced himself even Patrick visits him out of obligation."

Gail raised her eyebrow at him as she returned to the seat across from his desk. "And just why would he do that? It's not like the two were friends before this."

Kevin leaned back forward. "No but Patrick was the prescribing doctor on the original prescription. And from what I've heard from him, Robin and Elizabeth, he never resisted a chance to bait Lucky. Its entirely possible, if I'm right, that Lucky views Patrick's visits as the product of a guilty conscious as much as he views everyone else's as some sort of obligation."

"True, but that is only if you are right." Gail rested her hands on the top of the desk. "Kevin if you are wrong, the potential for harm, not just to Elizabeth but to…"

"I know. I know." Kevin realized all to well what he was preparing to ask Elizabeth to do. What he was asking her to risk. And he would in no way blame her if she told him to go to hell and pulled Lucky right out of Roselawn as fast she could manage it. "If there was anyone else I could think of that could potentially help him I would ask that person first in a heartbeat. But no one is working. Not Elizabeth. Not Luke. Not Lulu. Not Nik. Not Emily. Not any of the other friends that have come out of the woodwork. Not even hearing about the pregnancy did anything other than a possible hand squeeze."

Kevin looked into his longtime colleague's eyes. "Gail I am afraid we are running out of time with Lucky and if we don't do something soon he really will end up like Laura."

Gail nodded sadly. "I'm starting to think you are right. And as much as the situation pains me, I agree with you. This is the only solution. I just don't know how we are going to convince Elizabeth of it."

"Me either. I was hoping you could help me with that."

_Rain Street Pharmacy_

This was it. The last one for the day Cruz swore to himself. He had actual work on other cases he had to do. Cases he was actually supposed to be looking into.

As he walked back towards the small pharmacist station he said the same silent prayer he had been doing for weeks now. _Please let this lead somewhere. Let him have been here._

He flashed his badge and recited the now familiar explanation of who he was, the briefest description of what he was looking for and why. As the man clicked the buttons on his computer to search for the criteria Cruz had specified, he couldn't help but feel the familiar feeling of defeat start to creep over him the longer the man stared at the screen.

And then hope surfaced.

"Well it looks like there was a prescription that was filled here for that drug a few months back. Little unusual for that drug to be prescribed in these parts."

"Who was the prescribing doctor?"

"A Doctor Kelly Lee."

Cruz smiled. This was it. He could feel it. Kelly Lee had reported her prescription pad stolen during the same time frame. And why would an OB-GYN be prescribing that hydrocodone? He had to call Ric and somehow get a search warrant for the rest of that file.

"Thank you sir. I appreciate your help. I'll be back."

**Lyrics- _A Sorta Fairytale_ by Tori Amos**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, _

_No you don't fool me  
The hurt doesn't show; but the pain still grows  
It's no stranger to you or me_

She was having second thoughts about the wisdom of this plan. Even though she hadn't said a word, Kevin could tell. Elizabeth couldn't look him in the eye. Her eyes darted around the hallway, as if she was looking for an escape route. It amused Kevin on some level, since it clearly showed just how connected to the Spencer family the young woman truly was. The last time Kevin had seen someone that intent on finding the exit, he had been talking to Luke.

Elizabeth bit her lip. She couldn't do this. Almost everything inside of her was screaming this idea was dangerous. It wouldn't work. It would do nothing but harm everyone involved, most especially the only person in the world she never wanted to harm. Every time her eyes landed on Kevin she felt the urge to tell him she had changed her mind. She wasn't doing this.

But there was that one little part of her that clung to the hope that this time Kevin was right. This time it would work and this time Lucky would come back. That Gail had been right and any damage that would happen could be minimized.

And since it was the story of her life, even though anybody else in her life probably would have told her she was crazy, she was going with that small little voice, damn the consequences. That wasn't to say she didn't need some reassurance though.

"You are sure this is the only way?"

Gail stepped forward, placing her hands on Elizabeth's shoulders and rubbing them. "I wish we could tell you there was another option. Kevin and I have discussed this over and over again. If Kevin's theory is correct, then I really do think this is the only way to prove it."

"I'm not a horrid mother for even considering this am I?"

Kevin stepped closer as well. "You are trying to give your children their father Elizabeth. There is nothing horrible about wanting that. Gail and I will be here the whole time. If anything feels off to us, we will call it off immediately."

Elizabeth took a hurried breath and looked down the hall where Robin and Patrick sat on the floor, playing with Cameron. As she watched him race his toy car on the floor she offered up a brief prayer.

"God I hope you are both right."

_Lucky's room_

Not that he would admit it to anyone, but the low murmur of voices outside his door was driving Lucky crazy. He had been hearing them for several minutes now and the fact he could not figure out exactly who was out there or what they wanted had his mind racing.

He had noticed a look in Kevin's eye in the last few visits with him. If they had been playing poker, Lucky would have suspected at least a flush. He may not have folded his hand, but he would have adjusted his betting accordingly. Kevin had been planning something. Lucky couldn't help but wonder if the look in Kevin's eyes and the current noise level were in some ways connected.

Now that he thought about it, everyone's behaviors had been off in the past few days. Something was about to happen. Maybe they were doing what he wanted them to do. They were giving up and getting ready to just leave him the hell alone.

He turned his head towards the door, straining to differentiate the voices. And is if whoever was out there knew his intentions, the voices fell silent.

Whatever was going to happen, it was about to happen now.

_In the hallway_

He was nervous. Patrick couldn't really remember the last time he had been nervous. Possibly at medical school. Or the first time he had ever led the surgery team by himself. But those experiences were light years in the past. Certainly he had never felt nervous since he had arrived in Port Charles.

Then again, Patrick mused, had he ever really be in a situation with the stakes were this high? Or a situation where he was so fully aware of the implications should this not work.

Robin had been correct every time she had accused him of not concentrating on his patients or his bedside manner. Quite simply he more often than not sucked with people. The arrogance one needed to complete surgery on the delicate lobes of the brain rarely translated into great people skills in Patrick's experience. So he often chose to just focus on the odds, and his skills. He never really thought of any of his patients' families outside of his brief visits to let them know he had succeeded in the surgery.

Until Jesse Beaudry's death that is. It had been the first time he had ever seen the fallout when he failed.

But even that was easier. Eventually the stinging loss of death could be learned to be lived with. A person moved on, had a script to follow. But this? If this plan failed there was no script for anyone here to follow. No clear way for them to move on with their lives. Not to mention the potential harm he was about to inflict on a three year old.

He understood Kevin's reasons for him going in today. They made sense to him. But as he watched Elizabeth cuddle and kiss her son, he couldn't help but wish he had never agreed to this.

But as Elizabeth handed him Cameron, Patrick realized there was no turning back now. For better or for worse, he was going in.

He knocked on the door in the pattern he always did when he went to see Lucky. And he called out his regular greeting as he opened the door.

"Dude! Have I got fun times planned for you!"

Lucky adverted his eyes when he noticed the door start to open. Patrick. He still wasn't sure exactly why Patrick insisted on coming to see him. He was still somewhat convinced it was a pity visit but at least Drake didn't make it appear like visiting him was a trip to the gallows.

Patrick kept on talking, hoping that sooner or later Lucky would notice exactly who he had brought with him. "I know we ran out of _Pinky and the Brain_ the last time, so I brought _The Adventures of Pete and Pete_. I mean Iggy Pop as a suburban father? How much more genius do you really need to get you know?"

Lucky fought the urge to grin. Who would have guessed the only person in this entire town to share some his old TV obsessions would be Patrick Drake. He turned his head to look briefly in Patrick's direction.

And couldn't contain the look of shock on his face.

Patrick shifted Cameron higher on his shoulder. "Oh yeah. Robin was watching Cameron here for Elizabeth. I figured you wouldn't mind if I brought him with me. I mean one can't start too early in the teaching of the cooler things in life right?"

Up until now, looking around the new room and this new person holding him had distracted Cameron. But as Patrick shifted him higher, Cameron turned his head and grinned as he spotted the one familiar face in the room.

"Daddy!"

The three year old started wiggling and attempting to break Patrick's grip in his effort to get to Lucky. To avoid injury from a struggling foot, Patrick placed Cameron on the bed and bit his lip as he noticed the expression on Lucky's face.

Maybe Kevin was right after all. That was not a blank, non-responsive look. That was the look of pure shock.

"Looks like someone is excited to see you."

Cameron made his way up the bed as best he could and fell onto Lucky's chest. He snuggled in, just like he had done every night when Lucky was there to read him his bedtime story.

"Daddy!"

Lucky blinked several times. Whatever he thought was going on outside, the notion that Cameron was just in the hallway had never crossed his mind. Before he could stop the instinct, his arms came up and held his son to his chest. And before he could tell himself to stop, he felt the words forming on his lips.

"Hey Big Guy. I've missed you."

**Lyrics- _Hold On_ by Phil Collins**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_I don't mind where you come from _

_As long as you come to me_

_But I don't like illusions I can't see_

_Them clearly_

"You aren't fooling anyone. We all know you are choosing not to talk." Kevin glanced over his notepad at Lucky.

The phrase "If looks could kill" was designed specifically for the look Lucky was currently shooting him. The glare had been a permanent fixture on his patient's face since the second he realized how Kevin had used Cameron to get him to talk.

Kevin sighed and continued. "I'll say it again. Yes I shouldn't have used Cameron the way I did but you didn't give me much of a choice. And Elizabeth gave me nine kinds of hell before she even agreed to consider it much less to go through with the idea." He pointed his pen in Lucky's direction. "I'm not entirely sure if Gail approves of your influence on Elizabeth. That young woman used words neither one of us were aware she knew the meaning of, much less how to use."

He caught the glimmer of the proud grin before Lucky suppressed it. "Eh, eh, eh. I saw that. The stone face routine won't work for you anymore either."

Lucky rolled his eyes. Now there was the teenager Kevin remembered from years before. That Kevin could work with. The thought stayed with Kevin. A teenager. Maybe that was the way to approach Lucky at this point, just like he would a sullen teenage patient. It couldn't work any worse than anything else he had tried so far.

But then, in what Kevin was beginning to realize was true Spencer style, Lucky surprised him. "I suppose you think you are clever."

"Only moderately."

"That's being generous"

Kevin shrugged. Lucky was looking for a fight and Kevin was determined not to give him one.

A young nurse stuck her head in the door. "Oh Dr. Collins, I didn't realize you were still in here. I was just doing the observation…"

With a wave of his hand, he cut her off. "Quite alright. It took us a little longer to get started than usual. If you bring me the chart I will be glad to sign it."

He kept the corner of one eye on Lucky as he signed himself in as an observer for the next hour. He had not missed the look of irritation that had shot across Lucky's face when the nurse had interrupted. Maybe this was a place to start.

Once the young woman had left the room, Kevin smiled at his patient. "Do you have some sort of personal problem with her?"

The question clearly startled Lucky. "What?"

"You were clearly irritated by her presence. I just wanted to make sure there was no personal issues we have to deal with that might impede your progress here."

"I don't even know her. Why would I have a problem with her?" Lucky crossed his arms in front of his chest and went to stand in front of the window. "Besides who actually enjoys being treated like a creature in a zoo with different people coming in and just looking at you every few minutes" he muttered under his breath.

He had muttered, but Kevin had become an expert at distinguishing mutterings. It was the key to his continuing marriage to Lucy. So that what was bothering Lucky. The constant observation he was still under. Not that it surprised Kevin all that much. Lucky was Luke's son after all.

"If you don't want to be watched so often, you know what you have to do."

Lucky rolled his eyes and faced Kevin. "I told you I am not signing some stupid safety contract."

"Then she keeps coming in. Simple as that." Kevin tapped his pad with his pen. "Even a Spencer can't get around every rule Lucky."

Lucky slumped into the seat across from him and shot Kevin a smirk. "And even you Kevin won't get me to sign that stupid thing."

_Rain Street Pharmacy_

Cruz paced nervously in front of the small store and glanced down at his watch. Where the hell was Lansing? He didn't have much time here and Lansing was running late.

As if he had sense his presence being needed, Ric Lansing pulled up in his silver Mercedes. Cruz stifled the urge to laugh as Ric nervously looked around while he locked his car. He had told the lawyer to not arrive in anything conspicuous. Cruz had to admit he was probably lucky that Lansing had decided against a limo.

"You got it?"

Lansing held up the paper in his hands. "Judge Chenoweth owed me some favors. He didn't ask too many questions about exactly what type of police business we were on here or why Alexis wasn't requesting this warrant herself." He grinned. "I doubt she'll do us the same favor when she finds out."

Cruz motioned for Ric to follow him inside. "We probably didn't need it to get the information in the first place. But better safe than sorry." It didn't take them long to reach the back of the store. "Mr. Calametti? Mr. Calametti?" Cruz called out.

The pharmacist came out from behind his rows of bottles and smiled. "Detective Rodriquez. What can I do for you this fine day?"

Motioning towards Ric and the paper he held up, Cruz explained. "I brought Mr. Lansing here with a warrant for those records we talked about Mr. Calametti."

Looking over his glasses, Mr. Calametti reached for the paper and looked it over. "Is this to help Detective Spencer?" he asked in a low growl.

Ric shook his head. Cruz had tried to explain about the protectiveness the local business owners had felt regarding Lucky. These men and women didn't seem to care about the stories the press had a field day with. All they cared about was the young man had arrested the criminal element and helped the kids in the neighborhood. He hadn't completely believed him until this minute.

Cruz cleared his throat. "Mr. Calamatti, this will only help Detective Spencer. It will help prove what we both know. That he isn't a thief. That he's a good cop."

Mr. Calametti nodded, apparently satisfied. "In that case if I am ever asked I will forget the fact that Mr. Lansing is no longer the DA." He smiled as he began to rummage for the files. "In fact I think I have a long vacation coming up soon." He winked knowingly as he handed the file over.

Cruz tried not to laugh as he took possession of the file. "You have a wonderful vacation sir. Make sure to send me a postcard."

Ric and Cruz left the store and stood by Ric's car, opening the file. As Cruz remembered, it wasn't very thick but the one piece of paper they needed was there. The prescription supposedly written by one Kelly Lee for hydrocodone.

"It's in pink glitter?" Ric asked incredulously. "Pink glitter?"

Cruz nodded. "That was my thought exactly. I would highly doubt Lucky would even touch a pink glitter pen."

"I agree. Of course you do realize Alexis will bring up Lucky's speciality in the department if we got to her right now with this."

It was the best kept secret on the Port Charles Police Department, known only to the ever rotating list of District Attorneys and the squad itself. Lucky Spencer was the department forger. Any documents the undercover, narcotics or vice guys would need to complete a bust, Lucky could deliver it and fool even the most street smart of crooks with it. Cruz had a feeling that Mac and Alexis had been eyeing Lucky to forge documents that might actually bring down Corrinthos/Morgan once and for all.

And Ric was right. They needed more than pink glitter or Alexis would blow that secret wide open.

"Of course she will. But I have a friend that might be able to help us."

_Lucky's room_

Kevin had finally left and now all Lucky had to look forward to was the constant visits from the nurses. _Joy_, he thought to himself bitterly.

He wasn't quite sure why he was being such an ass about signing the contract but he supposed it was because it was the one thing he could control right now. Since Elizabeth had signed him in, he couldn't just leave whenever he wanted to.

Before he could think too deeply on that a knock interrupted his thoughts. A knock? It couldn't be a nurse. They tended to knock as they walked in. The door was decidedly closed.

The knock sounded again and Lucky moved towards the door. Patrick Drake stood there with a sheepish look on his face. Before Lucky could even ask what he was doing here, Patrick was moving past him quickly and into the room.

"Look man, I know I should have never gone along with that plan. And I'm sorry about that. It was wrong to use your son like that. And I should have stuck with my original idea to say no to them."

"So why didn't you?"

Patrick ran a hand threw his hair. "They sent Elizabeth after me. And she was looking all sad and pregnant." Patrick lowered himself uninvited into the chair Kevin had occupied earlier. "Then Robin jumped in and was all gun ho about it."

Lucky nodded in understanding. Saying no to one woman would have been difficult but both of them? Patrick had been doomed .

He still wasn't sure exactly why Patrick had come to see him but he was a welcome break from the parade of doctors and nurses. "Why are you here?"

Patrick shrugged. "I don't know really. Why haven't you kicked me out?"

Lucky shrugged. "Don't know either."

Both men smiled at each other. It wasn't much but it was a place to start.

**lyrics- **_**It's All the Same**_** by Sick Puppies**


End file.
